A tired life

It's been a month-plus since I lost something very precious. Now this could be a coincidence, but ever since my son's gone, (he now lives in Mumbai) I just feel sapped of all energy. The whole point of life and living is becoming pretty argumentative - what do we strive for in our lives? What are the things that really matter? And is there anything in life that is worth fighting for? I don't know the answers and I suspect most people who claim to know the answers don't know any better. My running time has gone back to plus 18 minutes after touching a high of 17:41 and some hundredths of a second - and truth be told, I stopped caring. Though, yesterday, I did manage a sub-18 but it was nowhere near my best. There's a lot of anger and rage that is waiting to come out. And life seems such a drag at times - demands from the home front, the family front and the work front. Can't blame anybody, everybody cites their predicament and compulsions. Only I am not supposed to have any compulsions, just soldier on regardless. I am, not too sure of how long will I be able to sustain myself. And I'm not the only one getting squashed - to be honest, my sister is doing more for the house than I could possibly do. And to be even more honest, I really don't give a damn anymore. Dad's illness has taken a toll on finances and emotions - the guy himself is in a lot of pain from all the chemotherapy that he has been put through. If God has to take his life, why torture him like this. if not, then cure him. what sort of learning is there in seeing a man suffer without recourse to any solution? is it that I too will suffer the same fate? At least my father's better off- his two kids are there for him, willy nilly. Wonder what will become of me in my old age - assuming I do reach the old age.
The other day I went for a day's visit to see my son - and all my wife could say to me after I returned to Delhi was how my sudden visit had unsettled my son and he was quiet after I had left. I should henceforth come for longer visits - so bloody typical of her to find fault with every thing I do. Nothing was ever good enough for her - there were always faults to be found, if nothing else, the city where I was born and raised was also to be blamed. And that wasn't the end of it - the fact that household help was unreliable in Delhi compared to her darling city of Mumbai was also my conspiracy against her! Just want my son back, and will soon launch a custody battle for him. She doesn't deserve that angel.
Anyways, tomorrow morning will be another day, another run for glory, and let's hope, not another failure!