Saturday, May 25, 2024
Monday, December 14, 2009
A tired life
It's been a month-plus since I lost something very precious. Now this could be a coincidence, but ever since my son's gone, (he now lives in Mumbai) I just feel sapped of all energy. The whole point of life and living is becoming pretty argumentative - what do we strive for in our lives? What are the things that really matter? And is there anything in life that is worth fighting for? I don't know the answers and I suspect most people who claim to know the answers don't know any better. My running time has gone back to plus 18 minutes after touching a high of 17:41 and some hundredths of a second - and truth be told, I stopped caring. Though, yesterday, I did manage a sub-18 but it was nowhere near my best. There's a lot of anger and rage that is waiting to come out. And life seems such a drag at times - demands from the home front, the family front and the work front. Can't blame anybody, everybody cites their predicament and compulsions. Only I am not supposed to have any compulsions, just soldier on regardless. I am, not too sure of how long will I be able to sustain myself. And I'm not the only one getting squashed - to be honest, my sister is doing more for the house than I could possibly do. And to be even more honest, I really don't give a damn anymore. Dad's illness has taken a toll on finances and emotions - the guy himself is in a lot of pain from all the chemotherapy that he has been put through. If God has to take his life, why torture him like this. if not, then cure him. what sort of learning is there in seeing a man suffer without recourse to any solution? is it that I too will suffer the same fate? At least my father's better off- his two kids are there for him, willy nilly. Wonder what will become of me in my old age - assuming I do reach the old age.
The other day I went for a day's visit to see my son - and all my wife could say to me after I returned to Delhi was how my sudden visit had unsettled my son and he was quiet after I had left. I should henceforth come for longer visits - so bloody typical of her to find fault with every thing I do. Nothing was ever good enough for her - there were always faults to be found, if nothing else, the city where I was born and raised was also to be blamed. And that wasn't the end of it - the fact that household help was unreliable in Delhi compared to her darling city of Mumbai was also my conspiracy against her! Just want my son back, and will soon launch a custody battle for him. She doesn't deserve that angel.
Anyways, tomorrow morning will be another day, another run for glory, and let's hope, not another failure!
The other day I went for a day's visit to see my son - and all my wife could say to me after I returned to Delhi was how my sudden visit had unsettled my son and he was quiet after I had left. I should henceforth come for longer visits - so bloody typical of her to find fault with every thing I do. Nothing was ever good enough for her - there were always faults to be found, if nothing else, the city where I was born and raised was also to be blamed. And that wasn't the end of it - the fact that household help was unreliable in Delhi compared to her darling city of Mumbai was also my conspiracy against her! Just want my son back, and will soon launch a custody battle for him. She doesn't deserve that angel.
Anyways, tomorrow morning will be another day, another run for glory, and let's hope, not another failure!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Just how tough it is!
When I started marking my time for the number of laps done, the objective was to knock off a second a day to better my time. So from a plus 21 minutes for 5 laps (3750 m), I have over the past 7 months managed to come under 18 minutes at a very consistent level - in fact, my worst timing for 4 laps at one point is now my best timing for 5 laps and my best for 5 (again, at one point of time) is now my best in the second round. Funny, it feels great - running the said distance in 17:50 and less. Just to put things in perspective (and also to bring me back to ground zero!) the world record for 3000 metres is 7 minutes and some seconds (less than 30 seconds, if I recall correctly) while the 1500 metres has been standing at 3:26. Sure, I am not going flat out for pace, nor am I following a strict high energy diet regimen, but still....
I am in two minds - should I concentrate on 1500 metres or 3000 metres? Actually, even if it's the latter, there's a lot of ground still to be covered - only if can halve my timing for 5 laps can I think of moving ahead. Can I?
what I have also realised is just how tough it is to knock off a second from your previous day's timing - a second on its own looks innocuous - try beating your time by a seond and you'll know what I am talking about. There's also a new found admiration for athletes who manage to do so at world events with regularity.
Oh, there's this gentleman I bump into on most mornings - probably nearing middle age, a lecturer, who's been after me to join his direct marketing venture despite my making it clear to him my reluctance to do anything with marketing! Not that he's showing any undue interest in me - I have seen him accosting other morning walkers - just wondering if he will be avoided by others too just like I am trying to avoid him!
Today, though, was pretty bad for me - just two laps in each set and I was feeling the burn - it was like I had lost the grip on my running. Felt quite nullified.
On a different note, a couple of days back, while driving to work, came across this polio-afflicted man begging for alms at a traffic intersection. Now, most of us have the experience of running into these beggars who make sorry faces, invoking some pity in you to extract the chnage from your wallet. What was different about this man was the look on his face - even in an act so demeaning to human dignity as begging, his face radiated dignity and pride - trust me, you wouldn't have been able to shoo him away like the others. It was life's ironic moments when a man stripped of his dignity to live honourably can challenge indignity itself with a countenance that struck a chord with a few motorists. As for me, I was torn by my dilemma - do I give him a few rupees or do i stick to my stand of not encouraging begging. Meanwhile, the signal turned green and the traffic moved just as he started coming my way - there is still no sense of relief of having escaped my dilemma.
I am in two minds - should I concentrate on 1500 metres or 3000 metres? Actually, even if it's the latter, there's a lot of ground still to be covered - only if can halve my timing for 5 laps can I think of moving ahead. Can I?
what I have also realised is just how tough it is to knock off a second from your previous day's timing - a second on its own looks innocuous - try beating your time by a seond and you'll know what I am talking about. There's also a new found admiration for athletes who manage to do so at world events with regularity.
Oh, there's this gentleman I bump into on most mornings - probably nearing middle age, a lecturer, who's been after me to join his direct marketing venture despite my making it clear to him my reluctance to do anything with marketing! Not that he's showing any undue interest in me - I have seen him accosting other morning walkers - just wondering if he will be avoided by others too just like I am trying to avoid him!
Today, though, was pretty bad for me - just two laps in each set and I was feeling the burn - it was like I had lost the grip on my running. Felt quite nullified.
On a different note, a couple of days back, while driving to work, came across this polio-afflicted man begging for alms at a traffic intersection. Now, most of us have the experience of running into these beggars who make sorry faces, invoking some pity in you to extract the chnage from your wallet. What was different about this man was the look on his face - even in an act so demeaning to human dignity as begging, his face radiated dignity and pride - trust me, you wouldn't have been able to shoo him away like the others. It was life's ironic moments when a man stripped of his dignity to live honourably can challenge indignity itself with a countenance that struck a chord with a few motorists. As for me, I was torn by my dilemma - do I give him a few rupees or do i stick to my stand of not encouraging begging. Meanwhile, the signal turned green and the traffic moved just as he started coming my way - there is still no sense of relief of having escaped my dilemma.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Strike Seven
Hi again! So what's new today, you could ask. Well, it was pretty much the same routine, except that since I woke up a bit early - thanks in part to my son who wanted to play at 2 am - I went for my jog earlier than usual at the crack of first daylight. That gave me more time to run longer, covering an additional lap in the process. On my way to work today, I passed by a school next to where I reside which like many upstart schools in Delhi advertise the fact that they are air-conditioned. Who would have thought in our time that schools could be airconditoned - used as we were to fans and the mercies of the DESU in summer when power cuts and load sheddings happened randomly. Sure we used to perspire like pigs and it used to be real hot but we made it through. Today, when my wife demands an air-conditioner for the house for our toddler, I can only smile - how times have changed. Kids these days have access to not just the best of amenities but also luxuries. I may be wrong but kids from our time turned out to be tough and hardy, able to withstand life's hardships. These kids, used to all the comforts from such an early age, don't inspire much confidence and one has seen enough examples of them breaking down at the slightest hint of trouble. Recall the recent scare on an Indigo flight when the air hostesses - all 20 somethings - broke down when it was announced that the aircraft had some landing gear trouble! Imagine, it were the passengers on-board who consoled these young girls rather than the other way around. Today, hitting a child can get you behind bars - in our time smacking a thorny twig or a wooden scale on the knuckles or palms was standard punishment, apart from the resounding slaps on the cheeks or the twisting of ears by teachers. Today, psychologists say this can lead to mental and psychological deformities in a child - by that yardstick, my generation should be living in a lunatic outhouse! Don't get me wrong - I am not against betterment of living conditions, but air-conditioned schools?? Are we going to be a turning out a generation that's too soft, only good at geeky stuff? I am sure I don't want my son growing up in the lap of luxury - let him earn his spurs rather getting dole outs from his dad.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Breaking new ground
So I'm back! It's been some days since my last post and no, I have not skipped my morning routine. It's now six months since I started out and while February was intermittent, I have now decided to be regular come what may - and that means pushing myself out of the bed and the apartment door unfailingly despite sleepy eyes and tired legs from the previous day's work. Oh, and that doesn't include the detail of getting up earlier than usual to feed a six month old toddler who lets out a loud whelp to advertise his hunger pangs! Why am I so hard on myself, some ask. Well, because if I don't run, I know it's going to play on in my mind and basically ruin my entire day.
Anyways, yesterday morning I changed my workout ground to a better maintained park - the lawns there are so well manicured that it looks like someone's private garden rather than a public space. And cleanliness to an extent that you could pick up food droppings off the grass and eat it without fear of any infection - no really, I am not kidding. Besides this, the jogging track is much longer which allows me to push myself to cover a longer distance than usual. And so, instead of the usual 5 kilometres, I am now covering 6 kilometres on a daily basis (well, it's just been two days, so let's keep our fingers crossed, shall we?)
Of course, there were several more pretty faces in this park than in the previous but then, focussing too much on them can mean a mis-step, so an occasional glance now and then but that's about it! Looking at the gentry there one would be forgiven to think that Indians are now largely health-conscious (that could be a fallacy!). Everyone seems to be engaged in some sort of activity, be it a stroll, a brisk walk, running, jogging, yoga, calesthenics, et al. And there are some who want to remain connected and wired to the world around them even at 6 am - chattering away on their cell phones as if cutting a multi-million dollar deal in another part of the world. Some of course just come to sit and gossip and chat without exerting any part of their body except for the mouth and vocal chords. No, I am not critical of these fellas, just amazed at their sense of priority. But then, as they say, it takes all kinds to make this world and they do provide some amusement and mirth!
Yesterday though, while doing spot jogging, my attention wavered a bit by I can't recall what (it certainly wasn't a pretty face - I would have remembered!). And that nano second resulted in my foot landing improperly. It was a sudden tinge of a stretch that I felt in my knee and while there's no pain, I know I need to get it checked before it becomes any worse with advancing age. That should be a reminder to me and others - concentrate on one task at a time.
Anyways, yesterday morning I changed my workout ground to a better maintained park - the lawns there are so well manicured that it looks like someone's private garden rather than a public space. And cleanliness to an extent that you could pick up food droppings off the grass and eat it without fear of any infection - no really, I am not kidding. Besides this, the jogging track is much longer which allows me to push myself to cover a longer distance than usual. And so, instead of the usual 5 kilometres, I am now covering 6 kilometres on a daily basis (well, it's just been two days, so let's keep our fingers crossed, shall we?)
Of course, there were several more pretty faces in this park than in the previous but then, focussing too much on them can mean a mis-step, so an occasional glance now and then but that's about it! Looking at the gentry there one would be forgiven to think that Indians are now largely health-conscious (that could be a fallacy!). Everyone seems to be engaged in some sort of activity, be it a stroll, a brisk walk, running, jogging, yoga, calesthenics, et al. And there are some who want to remain connected and wired to the world around them even at 6 am - chattering away on their cell phones as if cutting a multi-million dollar deal in another part of the world. Some of course just come to sit and gossip and chat without exerting any part of their body except for the mouth and vocal chords. No, I am not critical of these fellas, just amazed at their sense of priority. But then, as they say, it takes all kinds to make this world and they do provide some amusement and mirth!
Yesterday though, while doing spot jogging, my attention wavered a bit by I can't recall what (it certainly wasn't a pretty face - I would have remembered!). And that nano second resulted in my foot landing improperly. It was a sudden tinge of a stretch that I felt in my knee and while there's no pain, I know I need to get it checked before it becomes any worse with advancing age. That should be a reminder to me and others - concentrate on one task at a time.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Hard promises
One of the most difficult things in life, as I have learnt to my discomfort, is keeping promises (why do I even bother making them!). Having gone public in my last post of running without fetters of time, I realised the next morning just how much my body was crying for sleep. And yet, there was no turning back - it was a promise made to myself to run, and so run I had to, albeit in two sets of 3.5 km and 2 km. I remember in winters, when I used to finish my run and collapse on the park bench, I could actually see vapours rising from my body - the extent to which I had heated up. It was a funny feeling - sweat dripping, vapours from the body and that in a way made you feel good about yourself. It was the same for the past three days, though with the temperatures rising in my part of the world with the summers knocking, it takes less and less effort to be drenched in your sweat.
In fact, the change of weather meant that I was down with a throat infection, the coughing so severely that I felt drained of all energy every morning I woke up. And so, each time I started to jog, it was with much effort. The past three days my jogging rhythm has gone for a toss and something seems amiss each time I hit the tracks. Legs are wooden, feet are lead and despite best efforts, have been dragging myself rather bouncing, which I normally do. Maybe it's the poor health for the past few days which is taking it toll. But yes, without letting go of modesty, made the extra effort to go as far as possible and succeeded to a large extent. I think that was a proud moment for me.
So what next? I have this burning desire to time myself now and am planning to buy a stop-watch to know just exactly how much time I take to cover one lap and the total distance. So far I have relied on an analogue watch which gives a rough idea. What am I hoping to achieve? I really don't know at this juncture. They say, if you do something for the love of it, something good will come out of it. I don't just love running, like I said earlier, I am addicted to it and every morning I am in my own private world where everything else is paraphernalia. Cheerio!
In fact, the change of weather meant that I was down with a throat infection, the coughing so severely that I felt drained of all energy every morning I woke up. And so, each time I started to jog, it was with much effort. The past three days my jogging rhythm has gone for a toss and something seems amiss each time I hit the tracks. Legs are wooden, feet are lead and despite best efforts, have been dragging myself rather bouncing, which I normally do. Maybe it's the poor health for the past few days which is taking it toll. But yes, without letting go of modesty, made the extra effort to go as far as possible and succeeded to a large extent. I think that was a proud moment for me.
So what next? I have this burning desire to time myself now and am planning to buy a stop-watch to know just exactly how much time I take to cover one lap and the total distance. So far I have relied on an analogue watch which gives a rough idea. What am I hoping to achieve? I really don't know at this juncture. They say, if you do something for the love of it, something good will come out of it. I don't just love running, like I said earlier, I am addicted to it and every morning I am in my own private world where everything else is paraphernalia. Cheerio!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Running through my mind
The last time I went running - which was two days ago, so yes, I have skipped it for two days at a stretch now - I was tired, having reached home at 2 am the previous night. All that I could think of was getting through the grind. My feet were lead that morning and moving them in tandem to form a jogging rhythm was task indeed - neither the lift-off nor the landing was smooth and effortless, like they usually are. At times like these when the overwhelming desire is to curl up in bed and snooze till the cows come home, it's bewildering what makes the body keep ticking, lap after lap. Thoughts about my infant son's disturbed sleep in the night or his poor appetite of late often flit through my mind, as also thoughts of my own personal hell which I wouldn't like to go public with right now. All these and more of course ran through my mind as I ran the track, also worried about not being able to get the equation for the cover story right. To be honest, I wasn't much enthused about the subject - it wasn't my beat, though that doesn't even qualify for a lame excuse!
Still I ran, and surprisingly, covered more ground in the first instalment than I am usually able to. I often wonder to myself what is it that I am seeking to achieve with my daily grind - honestly, I don't know. It's fun though, and sometimes I wish someone would start timing me, just to know how I fare against myself.
But two days I have been absent from the tracks now and am raring to go tomorrow, being a Sunday. Tomorrow, I shall run unfettered by the bondage of time.
Still I ran, and surprisingly, covered more ground in the first instalment than I am usually able to. I often wonder to myself what is it that I am seeking to achieve with my daily grind - honestly, I don't know. It's fun though, and sometimes I wish someone would start timing me, just to know how I fare against myself.
But two days I have been absent from the tracks now and am raring to go tomorrow, being a Sunday. Tomorrow, I shall run unfettered by the bondage of time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)